Progress

Blogging is hard sometimes. When there's good news to report, it just seems to write itself. And sometimes if you've had a bad day, it can help to get it out. But sometimes I just can't bring myself to do it. Here I am though... you know that I can't leave you all hanging. You've been there for us and supported us through so much that you deserve to know what's going on.

It's been bad this last week. I didn't know for a while just how bad it was. I feel as though I've been walking around and going through the motions and not letting myself really digest what's been going on. And I guess that posting it on here would make it real. But before I go any further, let me just say that everything is OK, and everything is going to be OK.

When I last left off, Jerid had gotten the stent in and the doctors were happy. Nothing really changed over the weekend as far as his progress, but that's just it. Nothing changed. Saturday morning they took him off the sedation. So all day Saturday and Sunday, Rick, Rose and I took turns sitting beside his bed. You could tell that he was out of it, but he seemed to be in so much distress. When he would wake up, we would talk to him and reassure him that everything was OK.

I've never seen him so swollen with fluid. It was so bad that he started getting blisters, and then the blisters would burst. The whites of his eyes were full of blood from coughing and gagging and therefore bursting blood vessels in them. He threw up while intibated, he has two very painful chest tubes in, and he's got a feeding tube in his nose. It made the days after the transplant seem like a piece of cake.

Today though, finally, he was ready to come back. He was strong enough to breathe on his own and they took the respirator out. That definitely made him happier and more comfortable. But today was really the first day that he could comprehend what had happened. He doesn't really remember anything from the past week and is very frustrated. But at least he can talk to us now. (Whisper)

Rick flew home last night, but me, Annie and her gimpy Grannie are still here. Annie went back to the ICU twice to wave at daddy. He couldn't help but smile when she said "hi dada". She giggled and told him what a kitty says and what a doggy says. What would we do without that little angel?

The plan now is that Jerid will get another bronch on Wednesday or Thursday and then again a week later.

He was very tired after such a big day when we left him, but he was watching TV which is a wonderful sight to see. Rose and I are also tired. We agree that now that everything seems to be OK, we can breathe and let ourselves feel the exhaustion that we've been walking around with.

So I promise to try to do better on the posting. It is a little harder when I spend so much time running around after a wild child though.

I was talking to a friend on the phone this evening and they were telling me how strong I am to get through this. I just said that when I'm feeling really sorry for myself, I just think how lucky I am to be able to sit by my husband and be terrified and worried and exhausted. He's still here with me. In light of all of the CF deaths this last year, I have nothing to complain about. I still think everyday how blessed I am and my heart goes out to those who are missing their loved ones.

As always, thank you so much for your warm thoughts and prayers. We've needed them more this last week than ever.

P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LARA! You sure are old!