6.09.2008

So far...

Hello all. As instructed by my wonderful Aunt Sally, I am updating the blog. :-)

I had another bronch since my last post and things went pretty good. I was in dire need of this one because my breathing had gotten really bad and we knew my airway was closed up. I hadn't had that much trouble breathing in a long time. I had the bronch in the very end of May and I had better luck on this one than my last. He cleaned things up, replaced a stint, I woke up fine, I was able to eat on the way home, (and it stayed down) and the best part, I could breath MUCH better. It still has taken about a week and a half or better to get things cleared up a bit more so I could breath normally. Now it's back to conditioning again.

For exercise, me and my two pretty girls started walking yesterday. We walked the 4-5 blocks to Walgreens to pick up some pictures and back and it felt good.

Annie took it easy in the stroller and yelled "Hi!" to all the people out on their porches. For those who haven't seen Annie lately, we are still trying to get some time to stop and visit and show her off. Eventually, even our wonderful family in PA someday. (Hi Jim and Page) Marin built a rec center for little people in our back yard. It's an area beside the back porch that is mulched, lined with landscaping bricks and contains a sand box, a Winnie the poo umbrella, a baby pool, and a large umbrella over all of that. It's Annie's little escape from the days hard work. She REALLY does not ever want to come inside. Going outside is a bit of a reward sometimes. We say, "Annie, finish your dinner." She follows it up with, "Outside?!?!" "Outside, Momma?!?!" She's funny.

Marin and I are where we have wanted to be for nearly 2 years now. The three of us together, at home, living life, the good, the bad, and just being. Mostly though, we are having a lot of fun. Probably more fun than we should after being married for 9 years and experiencing the things we have. I know things are getting normal when Marin is rolling her eyes at me because I'm playing with the car too much and spending too much money on it. :-D

Bye for now, and you all have a great day.

Jerid

4.21.2008

Hello all.

Well, it's been a pretty stable month or so. I've been going to Cleveland for 'bronchs' now and it's surely a quicker drive and less time off of work. A few weeks ago I had a 2 day appointment and the second day was a bronch. They won't do the procedure until they see you have someone with you that is going to take you home because of the sedation. So the day of the bronch I met a man outside the front of the hospital and paid him $20 to act as my father. I think it would have worked just fine but it hit me that he was black right when I introduced him to the nurse. Crap. So Mom and Dad drove up and they picked me up, we went to lunch, (which I don't really remember but they tell me I probably picked one of the most expensive restaurants in Little Italy) and drove home. It was a flexible bronch so I wasn't sore much at all and recovered quickly. This last Thursday, I had another bronch scheduled. This time it was a rigid. Marin and I left Wednesday night after work, stopped in Columbus and treated ourselves to some sushi then got to Cleveland around midnight. I went for my bronch the next day and I had a couple of problems. After the procedure, they had trouble waking me up. (So what- I was tired) Then, after finally waking me, I stopped breathing on my own. They intubated me for around 5 minutes to help me (So what- I'm a little lazy) and I started on my own. This really is no big deal to me because I don't remember but only a few seconds of it.


I'm still fighting this long term lung infection which causes a little shortness of breath but besides that I'm doing good. Marin is of course a champ about the whole thing and Annie is just having a fantastic time. Period. (Though she is learning to resist a little, sneak, pout, and show some good anger. But she can't for long because she ends up finding something to get into and have some more fun.)


The last blog rang true with me and I agreed with Marin's thoughts. As I'm sure it makes sense to most of you readers. The funny thing is, is one of the people that could have used it as an excuse to go ahead and bite the bullet and make contact, didn't. People who know me at all, know that I'm not a dramatic person but I have had countless times in the last year or so that have scared even me. The fact that I'm here is a bit against the odds. This person has and probably always will, think they have time on their side to deal with things in life on their own terms. Well, they don't. None of us do. We all have to deal with things that aren't always on our terms and that makes it uncomfortable but I think we need to get out of our comfort zone to have any kind of meaningful life experiences. We don't have months and months to think about what we want to say to someone we have lost contact with. We don't have weeks and weeks to think of a way to make sure we don't look vulnerable when we finally do go to them. Time is not friendly to anyone.


Well everybody, that's all. Also, just out of curiosity, I would like to know how many people still read. If you can, just scroll to the bottom, click on 'comments', scroll to the bottom, and leave a quick word. Just a 'hello' will do. Click either anonymous or name/url and then click publish comment. Even if 1 person is still reading we'll keep updating but like I said, I'm curious.

Have a wonderful day,

Jerid

3.01.2008

Peace and Quiet

Hi guys! It is so very quiet in my house right now. The only sound is the humming of the washing machine and the distant hollering of Annie (who is in her crib not napping). Daddy is in his crib napping also. So although I should be cleaning the house, I am instead blogging.

I think about blogging everyday. I write them in my head all the time, but never actually sit down and type them out. So today, instead of procrastinating on the blog, I will procrastinate on the cleaning.

It's funny how you get back into everyday life after all the pieces are put back together. I try at least once a day to tell myself that this is it. This is what I wanted. When we're all tired in the evening and sitting down to dinner I think that I have everything I wanted. My husband, a beautiful, healthy child, and a home. Honestly, what more could you ask for in life? Yes, money and cars and fancy houses are nice, but I have things much more precious than that. Wanna hear some more things that I'm grateful for? My friends, Jerid's job (which he still has after all that he's been through) my job (which I actually enjoy), our wonderful supportive families, our teeny tiny house that we're about to bust out of, our dogs and cats, the snow because Jerid can now shovel it again and it reminds us of how strong he is, and so much more. I can tell you that it is MUCH easier to count my blessings when life is good.

So you want an update on Jerid? He's doing wonderful. His breathing continues to improve. The weight is coming back slowly but surely. Even though he eats more than anyone I know. His diabetes is under control. He's getting more muscle tone that he's ever had in his life thanks to all of the physical therapy. And he has a terrific mental state. I saw in his comment from the last post that he said that he complains a lot. NO. He doesn't. I have people all around me who whine and cry and moan over back pain and colds and flus and minor aches and pains. Jerid doesn't even come close. Yes, sometimes he is frustrated with his health issues like coughing and headaches and stomach problems, but trust me when I tell you that his complaining is minimal. I complain WAY more than he does. Jerid is a trooper. He's someone to look at and say "I should live my life the way he does. Focus on the good things and enjoy every minute of life for what it is. Another favorite quote of mine is: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift.

With that said, I have been thinking a lot lately about something else. Maybe I shouldn't be writing about it here, but what the hell. It's my blog. Everyone who has read this has seen me at my lowest, my most vulnerable. Though sometimes I'm a little embarrassed by how many people who have read this, I figure the readers of this blog have seen the real, true me. Nasty, angry, bitter, happy, jealous, sad. Everything. If you don't like me after reading this blog, then that's that.

So. There is a person in our lives who I feel needs a wake up call. This person should be one of the people closest to us in life. I know without a doubt that they love Jerid and his family very much. But where have you been for the past three years? I know that everyone gets angry at the ones they love. That's life. But come on. Life goes on. You've seen what Jerid has gone through and how could you get up every morning and not want to make amends? What have we done that is really so awful? Once you reach a certain point in your life I think that you need to get over things. Forgive. Forget. What if Jerid had died? After reading this you must know how close he came. Life is still dangerous. Technically he's living on borrowed time. This day is a gift. What if you lost him? If he was gone forever? Could you live with yourself? Both Jerid and I have reached out and taken steps to make amends. I don't know what else we can do. I made a phone call and emailed that left the door wide open for communication. But it wasn't reciprocated. Has it been worth it? To make another failing attempt to be "right" in your silence? These have been missed opportunities and chances to be there for Jerid and grow close to him again. For whatever reasons, you may not like me. Fine. But do you really not like Jerid? And do you really not want to be a part of his family? Meet his daughter? Annie is the most precious thing that has happened to him. We'd love to share her with you. Everyday that goes by, time is lost that you can never get back. Tell me, if something happened to you... something really, really bad. Would you want Jerid to be there for you? Would he be one of the people that you would want to see and hear from? I just don't understand what we have done that is this awful. Yes, minor things, but really now. Is it worth the price? This anger and resentment? I know that you check the blog. I know that you use it as a tool to find out how Jerid is. So I also know that you get ticked off when it's not updated. You should try calling. Other people do it. The first step is always hard. But trust me when I tell you that you don't know what hard is. You need to set aside your pride. Grow up and get over the little petty issues. Pretend you are on your death bed and see how bad these things are. You only get one life.

Do you ever have that one moment of clarity when things don't look so bad? That you miss the people that you're angry with? I do. It happened recently. There was someone that I was so damn mad at and hurt by their actions. It made me sick. This went on for months. But about week ago I was sitting there thinking about him. And I missed him and realized that no matter what I want him to be a part of me and my families lives. I thought that we could get past this. If I tell him what he did and why I'm so angry chances are, he will apologize and change his ways. We can compromise. I bet that I did things to hurt him too. So I jumped up in this moment of clarity and grabbed my cell phone and called. I left a voicemail saying that he needs to come visit. And I love him. When I never got a return call, I started getting angry again. Luckily I had another moment. So I called again. Guess what? He's coming to visit. It's time to move on. If you have a moment, you should pick up the phone and call, if not Jerid, one of the other people that you have been cutting out of your life.

Everyone makes mistakes. You do to. But that's why forgiveness was invented. Ask for it. Reach out your hand and make amends. You don't have to over analyze it. You don't have to take things slow. Just find peace in your heart and do it. If you stand on the edge a cold pool and think about it too much, you'll never jump in. Just run and jump. After the shock is over, it can actually be fun.

So to anyone out there who is busy holding grudges and keeping that bitterness inside, try thinking about it differently. Forgive your mother or father or friend or coworker. Every one's problems are relative. Chances are they are just as afraid as you. Once you love someone, it doesn't go away. I watch my daughter grow. Everyday makes me a little sad because I can never get it back. It's wonderful to watch, but it makes me realize how fast time goes by.

OK. I'm done. Sorry if I bored the innocent bystanders with my soapbox.

We went to Cleveland about a week ago for a bronch. It was a rigid and was pretty rough on Jerid. But he's all better now. He also has some crazy infection that's really hard to get rid of. So he has a PICC line in again and is on antibiotics through it twice a day. He'll have it in for at least 3 months and then will be on an oral antibiotic for about 3 months after that.

I really should get some cleaning done now. Our house is on the market and hopefully someone will want to look at it.

And one more thing: The CF walk is coming up in May. I want to have a REALLY big team this year and raise lots of money for CF. So if you read this blog, get yourself ready. More info will be coming. If your interested in being on our team, email me at marinsmith77@gmail.com. Also, we're trying to think up a name for the team. We thought it would be fun to incorporate our apple theme. Any ideas?

Love to everyone. Call, write, keep in touch.

2.11.2008

Hello, in case anyone is still checking on us...

Hi everybody! Jerid here.

Sorry it has been so long since our last post. I think because of a combo of bad timing, a couple trips to doctors, and being excited about getting on track to a normal life, (or semi-normal) it has kept us pretty busy. Or we are lazy. O.K. that's my excuse not Marins. Lately, we put our house up for sale to add a little more hectic activity. We decided to move because some foreigner moved in with us and has an awful lot of stuff and she is crowding us out.

At the beginning of the year I felt a big turn-around and started getting stronger and feeling much better. (No, it wasn't because Marin told me to do so.) I started work part time on Jan. 9th and continue to go to rehab 3 times a week. It feels good to work out. Weird. I actually do things in the house other than sit on the couch. (Marin would probably like to argue against that point.)

Annie is also part of my rehab. I'm sure all of you can imagine that's true. She has been getting louder, faster and more adventurous every day. She likes to draw, color, make messes, & eat a lot like Daddy. She also likes to clean, dress up, organize and police the house like her Mommy.

I have started a relationship with the Cleveland Clinic in...Cleveland. Philadelphia agreed to let them do some of the things I need done so I don't have to travel to Philly. Pretty nice. I drove up on the 6th of Feb. and met them. I go back on the 21st to get a bronchoscopy. The are looking for a bug or bacteria I might have that they want to catch before it gets to be a problem. For now, I feel great and all is well. We will keep you informed on what they find. Knowing me, it could be chunks of pizza and other food that I have been inhaling lately. (My appetite is back and I eat like a fat man at a buffet just about every meal.) I have gained 15lbs back since the holidays but I still can't go outside on windy days because I'll get airborn.

The great thing is, Marin has been able to relax a little more often. She now only has one child to take care of instead of two. They need to make being a spouse into an Olympic sport. If they did, Marin would surely get the gold. Awwwwwwwww. How lucky am I? I only wanted to marry her because she was pretty and would laugh at my jokes. Then she turned out to be Superwifemom.

Well, that's enough for now and I/we won't wait another 2 months to update. Promise.

Bye Bye,
Jerid

P.S. It has been GREAT seeing all of my friends and family over the past few months. I have yet to see some of you but I will soon.

P.S.S Sorry for any spelling errors. I'm not known for good grammer and spelling.

12.11.2007

Funny Stuff

HUP has a lot of support groups and ones for all the various transplant recipients and their families. Jerid is special because he gets to go to the lung and the liver support groups.

Anyway, we recently received an invitation to the Transplant Christmas Party. Bring a covered dish and oxygen will be provided.

Nothing says fun like oxygen provided.

12.10.2007

Bad Bad Smiths

I know, I know. There haven't been any updates in FOREVER. What bad apples we are. Here's what's going on:

Jerid did make it home for Thanksgiving. They released him from the hospital on the Monday before and he spent the night at the Gould's before flying home on Tuesday. (I had left the Saturday before.) It was really nice having everyone back home together again. But it was really crazy that first week. Jerid was so weak. He couldn't even lift his arms because of the atrophy. And he was very tired. That meant that I was taking care of Annie in the evenings, plus taking care of Jerid. And to top it off it was one of the busiest weeks I ever had at work so I was working through lunches and staying late.

We had a really nice Thanksgiving. And as you can see in the picture, Annie was really cute. She knew it too. She loves wearing dresses and twirls her skirt for everyone.

Jerid was supposed to go back to Philadelphia after Thanksgiving for a few weeks of physical therapy. But we just felt that it wasn't the best thing for him. He was so weak and would have to do so much for himself there. So we asked the doctors if he could do his rehab and physical therapy here. They said OK as long as he got regular blood work taken and went back for an appointment as soon as possible.

So Jerid has started at Genesis Rehab and will be going 3 times a week. He's being seen at Children's in Columbus for his nutrition and diabetes. He's been a good boy and having his blood drawn twice a week. And his mom and him are leaving this afternoon for Philadelphia. He has an appointment tomorrow and they'll be back hopefully late tomorrow night. We hope so anyway because Wednesday is Jerid's birthday! 31. Big Boy.

So that's really about it. We're hanging in there. Trying to get ready for Annie's first Christmas home. I'm so excited! Annie loves all of the decorations and has to say hi and bye to every Christmas tree she sees. We took her to Clifton Mill this weekend and she was in awe of the lights. She sat on Grandpa's shoulders and sang and pointed and yapped the whole way through.

Sorry again that I haven't updated sooner. Just call us if you're dying for some news. Hopefully it will only be good news from here on out.

Love to all.

11.15.2007

A Good Big Day

Well, I've heard that the benefit was a huge success. My sources tell me that lots of people came and had a really good time. I haven't heard much, and can't wait to hear all the details. Thank you so much to everyone who went and supported us.

We had a good day here too. It was a very long one, but a good one.

I got to the hospital around 9:30. Collin (Dr. Gillespie) told me yesterday that he would come see me in Jerid's room around 10:30 or 11:00 when he was done with the bronch. So I just sat in Jerid's room waiting very impatiently. Collin came in at 11:00 and sat me down with photos of the insides of Jerid's lungs to help tell the story. (He always does this) I always want him to just cut to the chase, but he likes to explain the whole procedure. The bottom line is that it went perfectly. The metal stents did their job and when Collin took them out the airways were nice and expanded so that he could easily slip two silicone stents in. They stayed put and Jerid's airways are wide open.

WHEW!

Jerid finally got back to the room around 1:30 and was still really groggy. Meanwhile, nurses and doctors and all kinds of people had been waiting very impatiently for Jerid to come back. So for the next 2 hours there was a steady stream of people in and out of the room. They took vitals and tested his blood sugar. They drew blood and urine samples. It was crazy. And Jerid just wanted to sleep.

At 3:30, transport came to whisk him off. Back downstairs to have a renal ultrasound. It's funny because I think that renal sounds like it has something to do with the anus, but it's actually the kidneys. So at first I was wondering what was wrong with Jerid's pooper.

Unfortunately, Jerid is still having problems with his kidneys. The creatinin levels still aren't going down so they had Nephrology (Kidney specialists) intervene. So they're now on the case. Once we have this issue figured out and his levels go back down to normal they'll kick his ass out of the hospital. So I have forbidden Jerid to drink anything but water (and lots of it) and he can't have any potassium. He MUST be home for Thanksgiving.

Jerid got back to the room around 5:00. Again, the steady stream of people started back up. By 6:30 I couldn't take it anymore and left him with his dinner.

So it was a good day. That dancing and chanting and praying works every time. Thanks.

Also, I want to give a shout out to Tammy Wilson. About a week ago she celebrated her 30th birthday and the 5 YEAR ANNIVERSARY of her double lung transplant. Congratulations Tammy. You're an inspiration to us all.